Trust and Obey
Sep 12, 2021 | by The Fellowship
I am new to attending church and new to actively pursuing God as well as reading and studying His Word. But I am not a new believer or someone who recently felt God’s presence in their life. Though 37, I can clearly remember as a child how it felt to be alone, scared and sad -- but knowing there was a God in heaven who made and loved me.
At six years of age, I asked to start going to a church down the street and my parents agreed. Walking alone to Sunday School and back, I loved singing songs and learning about an almighty, holy, merciful and loving God who created all the beauty around me.
My parents had a lot of problems which, unfortunately, brought much harm to my brother and me. Our childhood was something no kid should ever have to endure, a trauma I carried throughout much of my life.
Around 14, I started drinking and doing drugs. At 21, I was getting blacked-out drunk every night. By 25, I was so addicted to heroin and cocaine that every waking moment was consumed by getting and doing those drugs. This kind of lifestyle only brings more sin and sorrow until you do not even know who you are or recognize yourself in the mirror. I tried to stop using drugs countless times, but was so broken and addicted to completely numbing myself that I only became more addicted throughout the years. I stole from family and friends, lost my home, sold my car for drug money, and did other terrible things that the worst of addictions can cause. But even then, I was just a scared and broken child of God, every day praying to Him for deliverance and to change my heart.
My last attempt at getting off drugs was about six years ago, and I have not touched a drug or alcohol since. But I was still living a life of sin, letting all the trauma in my life keep me angry, depressed, and without direction or purpose. Though no longer a drug addict, I was in an abusive relationship that did not honor God.
About three years ago, I started praying and listening to sermons nonstop. Having lived for so long with Him in the back of my thoughts, one day I started making Him the first thing I thought about every morning. My prayer was, “God, please bring me closer to You, make me fall in love with You, change my heart and my desires. Use me for good, Lord; put me on the path You had laid out before I wandered off and got lost.”
Praying constantly, I filled my thoughts with my Heavenly Father. I wanted so badly to leave the abusive relationship, but was living in fear without courage or the power to leave. But listening each day online to different sermons, Bible verses and testimonies, I felt more and more convicted!
Around this time, I became pregnant. My boyfriend had said if that ever happened, I would have an abortion because he never wanted to have kids. When I told him about the pregnancy, he got very angry and quickly shut down any talk of keeping the baby. So I made the first appointment at an abortion clinic.
Though I was only five weeks pregnant, a scan at the clinic showed the possibility of twins. I remember going into the bathroom and falling to my knees, crying and overcome with feelings and thoughts completely new to me. In that moment, I felt terrified of being pregnant! I did not know what that would look like in my life or how I would be as a mother! But the most powerful feeling was that I absolutely would not have an abortion!
Feeling faith in God that I had never before experienced and despite being scared, unsure, and worried, I TRUSTED GOD! My deep desire was to honor God and love Him by doing what was right. Whether He was giving me the gift of one or two babies, I wanted His will to be done -- not my will. I left the abortion clinic that day and never looked back. What peace I felt, knowing I was not trying to change God’s plan for my life – but instead trusting and obeying Him. I started actively trying to honor and obey God, and my life began to change.
I now have two beautiful little blessings from God! Before my twins were born, I left the abusive relationship. Our Heavenly Father brings about change because He knows our hearts and what we need more than we do.
I became a completely changed person in so many ways the moment my twins were born. Feeling strongly the desire to help children and families who are struggling, I went back to college and just recently got admitted into nursing school. I started attending The Fellowship and growing in relationship with my Heavenly Father as well as trying to break out of my comfort zone by connecting with other Christians. I know they can encourage and strengthen me, help grow my faith and teach me more about serving the Lord.
I believe that the only reason I was able to quit drugs, leave that abusive relationship, have my twins and go to nursing school was because God pours out His love in answer to our prayers. I trusted that God did not give me a spirit of fear, but had a plan for me to fall in love with Him and honor Him with my life.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!
1 Corinthians 5:17