Rainbow Blessings

Jun 2, 2024 | by Nancy Newbrough

My husband and I married in early 2019. Having decided to wait a couple of years before having kids, I did not expect to see two pink lines (positive) on a pregnancy test a few months later. Excited to surprise him with the news, I bought a onesie that said, “Hello Daddy”. I began to journal my journey, but before I could add many words, the pregnancy failed.

My heart was shattered! Until the chance to carry a baby, even for only a few weeks, I never knew how badly I wanted one. At the follow-up appointment, my doctor said it was a molar (nonviable) pregnancy, and my sweet little one did not stand a chance from the very start. I continued to journal through grief as my husband and I opened our hearts to try for another baby.

We got two pink lines again. To tell my husband, I just ran and jumped into his arms. Near the end of the first trimester, a family member asked me if I was pregnant. How could that person have known? I had not said a word. But I was scared to answer from fear I would lose the baby as soon as I opened my mouth. That person held my hand and said to not be afraid, God had told her this baby was here to stay. It felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders in that moment.

The rest of the pregnancy was a breeze, even through the Covid19 shutdown. Our rainbow daughter, Gwyneth, was born perfectly healthy in June 2020.  It was the best gift ever!  A rainbow baby is one after the loss of a previous pregnancy -- God’s rainbow after the storm.

Our daughter was 18 months old when I got pregnant again. This time felt different -- like nothing could stop me and at the same time like something could. My doctor assured me that it would not be like my first pregnancy, but I fell into deep depression and became anxious about anything and everything.

We planned to announce the pregnancy at the end of the first trimester at my birthday lunch with our parents and siblings. At my prenatal appointment a few days before the luncheon, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. She even brought in another doctor for confirmation. I was devastated. A procedure was booked for the very next day, and I lived through the worst birthday of my life.

I barely survived the following weeks, weeping day and night, not knowing what to tell my toddler daughter. During that time in my life, she became not only my rainbow baby, but my sunshine baby, too. I wanted to be angry at God and give up on everything … but I could not. The only thing that I could do was to be near Him in prayer and want Him more. I also learned that the world does not stop for those who grieve.

My husband and I kept trying for another baby and I got pregnant again.  I had lab work every week and on week seven, my numbers did not look good. While standing in my kitchen hovering over the island, I remember thinking that I needed to give something up to get something back. Right there and then, I promised God that if He gave me a healthy baby, I would give up my relationship with alcohol.

I also prayed and asked God for a promise. I opened the Bible with my eyes closed and was “given” the story of Elisha and the Shunamite woman, a passage that said, “About this time next year, you will hold a son in your arms.” (2 Kings 4:16).  My heart rejoiced because that was exactly what I wanted to hear.

Unfortunately, after getting my labs redone, the doctor said I was going to miscarry. She handed me pamphlets of alternative ways of having a baby. I could not understand why this was happening to me. What about the promise I was given? Everyone around me told me to just let go and find happiness where I was and with what I had. But in my heart, a piece was missing! I would not stop trying until I could hold that piece in my arms.

We tried again and got pregnant right away. My doctor monitored me closely. And even with my emotional turbulence, the pregnancy progressed smoothly. With the love and support of my closest family and friends, I felt like everything was going to be OK. My rainbow son, Nathaniel, came into the world without problems. Holding him in my arms, I immediately felt whole, and God reminded me of His promise from 2 Kings. It finally felt like our family was complete.

Gwyneth means “happiness,” which is exactly what she brings to us and to those who know her. Nathaniel means “gift of God,” the piece that completed our family. Although the road could have been easier and less painful, I am so grateful for these incredible answers to our prayers. My desire is for the Lord to use me and my story of rainbow children to minister to others who are now in the midst of similar storms in life.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
 for I have put my trust in you. 
Psalm 143:8