Coming Back

Dec 31, 2023 | by The Fellowship

In the Fall of 2019, I was diagnosed with a precancerous condition at an annual well-woman exam.  I have a family history of both ovarian and uterine cancer.  Being 62 years old, I wanted a complete hysterectomy, but my doctor insisted that we should “wait and watch.”  I was furious and began to do my own deep research online.  I knew I was right.  Finally, in the Fall of 2020, after a year of relentless nagging on my part, the doctor caved and I was able to have the surgery. Thank God!  She found all sorts of things wrong and admitted to me the next day that, indeed, I had needed the surgery. 

In the meantime, Covid came and arguments over the vaccine put me at odds with everyone in my family -- including my husband.  Between arguing with the doctor to perform the necessary surgery and arguing with my family, I became very depressed and even entertained thoughts of suicide. 

I have always gone on morning runs or walks. Normally, these would be a spiritual boon to my mood.  I would enjoy the quiet time sort of as a time alone with God.   As I became more depressed, these walks turned into meditations on how I could best kill myself.  I determined that I wanted to die outside to be able to see the sky with my last breath.  And I hoarded pain pills and muscle relaxants, enough to kill an elephant.

I only spent one night in the hospital after my surgery, but it was an extremely miserable night.  I never wanted more to die.  At one point, I remember crying and begging God to spare me not only from the physical misery the surgery had brought on, but also my mental anguish.

The professionals at the hospital discovered how very depressed I was and sent a social worker to my room.  She talked with me and asked what I thought I could do to turn myself around.  My answer was that I should probably see a professional counselor. And then a voice in my ear said, “Go back to church.”  So, my next words were: “I think I need to go back to church.  I have a strong impression that would help.”

So, nearly as soon as I was able, within two weeks or so, I came to visit The Fellowship for the first time.  A good friend of mine was a member there, and I knew it was a great place to start my “church search.”  I have to admit, I was not used to the “new kind of church.”  However, as I stood while the band sang, more and more people poured into the sanctuary.  It was as if they sang the congregation into being.  I looked around and though not an emotional person, I nearly cried.  My  thoughts were: “Here is where the true power is.  Here is where I belong.” 

And like a miracle, my life did start turning around right then and there.  Not all at once, but over the next six months to a year, I got better.  Joining some groups was a big help, and I began to see the hand of God in every little thing.  What a blessing!  I have always been Christian to my core, but I had fallen away from the church.  What I found is that the church ties it all together and gives us a collective power that we do not have alone.

The Lord restored me to health and let me live …
in your love you kept me from the pit of destruction.  
Isaiah 38:16-17