Best Laid Plans

Sep 1, 2024 | by The Fellowship

My husband and I are passionate planners. We are to-do list makers, plan A to Z preparers, and one-ten year goal-setters. Together for seven incredible years before deciding to have a child, you guessed it – that was also according to plan. 

We thought: “This is it! With our wonderful partnership, steady careers, and a nice home in good ol’ Katy, Texas, all we need is a little angel to share it with!” So, we started trying and just like our plan -- got pregnant right away. 

However, at the second appointment with the OB/GYN, we received the devastating news that our little one was gone. We were despondent! This was not our plan! Our grief, our fear, our anger – this was not what we expected.  However, it was time for us to learn a valuable lesson. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  It was never our plans that mattered, but the Lord’s plan for us. 

Looking back on this time, it is so easy for me to see that – despite all of our planning – I was not yet ready to be a mother. I had not even given my life to Christ and certainly had no relationship with Him. And so, when I experienced this loss, it consumed me. 

I turned to every fertility treatment imaginable: In Vitro Fertilization, Intrauterine Insemination, Clomid (to increase ovulation), progesterone shots -- you name it.  I was riddled with anxiety, constantly plagued with envy over what other women seemed to achieve so easily. 

Over the next two years, we would experience four heartbreaking losses. I was sick, fatigued, and broken. A vivid memory is crying on our bathroom floor, not understanding what was happening or how I would get through it. As my husband held my hands in his own, he asked me, “Do you want to pray about it?” My response was something like, “It could not hurt.”

So began our commitment to faithfully pray. We prayed every day. And even though I still failed to conceive, part of me did feel better – a bit more at ease, as if I was now able to vent to a trusted friend. After a month or two of praying, I decided to take that next step -- to find a church. 

Isaiah 48:17 tells us: This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Thankfully, He led me right to The Fellowship. The first service I attended in person was the sunrise Easter service in 2023. I had a visceral reaction to it –weeping the entire time without really knowing why. My husband and I attended Discover to learn more about the church and became members. I gave my life to Christ with my husband in our bathroom, the very place where he first asked me to pray with him. 

We joined a LIFE Group and met cherished friends. I began serving on Sunday mornings with special needs kiddos. Both Pastor Brian and the Prayer Team often prayed over us. Several times we were reminded of the story of Hannah, found in 1 Samuel 1:2–2:21 in which she struggles to conceive, but God blesses her with a son. For months we learned and grew in our faith. We poured out our fear and our grief to Jesus, and in turn, the Lord granted us patience and strength.

That is when we let go of our plan and, instead, clung to the Lord and His promises. With a renewed sense of purpose, I discontinued my fertility treatments.  I now believed in something never before considered – it will happen in God’s timing.

On October 1st, 2023, my LIFE Group spent ServeFest volunteering at a pregnancy center. This cause was, of course, dear to my heart. We spent hours cleaning up and beautifying the grounds and writing inspirational messages with Scripture to expecting mothers. 

Midway through the day, I began to feel ill.  It is just the heat, I told myself.  Still, a part of me dared to hope. When my husband and I returned home, I took a test – and sure enough, I was pregnant! We prayed every single day of my pregnancy. Every day we lifted our baby up to the Lord. We asked for His protection. We thanked Him for His gift.

That positive test is now sitting in my lap -- a beautiful, healthy, and treasured three-month-old baby girl. She is our dearest blessing and worth every second of waiting -- and more. I cannot look at her and deny God’s love or existence.

And the best part of God’s perfect plan is that I now get to share my love of the Lord with my daughter … and to watch her faith blossom as she grows!

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. 
Proverbs 19:21