Last week, I was blessed to celebrate 41 years of marriage to my wonderful husband. He is my dearest love on this earth, and with every passing year, I love and respect him more. In the early days of our marriage, we often dreamed of growing old together — and here we are, living the dream!
There are countless things that have strengthened and sustained our marriage, but three of them stand out most clearly.
Choose to Believe the Best
The very first Scripture that we memorized together when we were engaged was Philippians 4:8: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. I am so thankful that the Lord led us to this verse early in our relationship because our marriage has been full of real-life struggles. Many times, I could have focused on my husband’s faults, but the Lord kept drawing me back to this passage and reminding me to believe the best of him. I have been privileged to receive that same grace from my husband as well.
We have also learned how very important it is to use words to build up rather than tear down—both in private and in public. Early in our marriage I told him, “As long as you are on your knees before God, I will follow you anywhere.” He has often reminded me of those words because they challenge him to lead our family by following Christ first.
Acts of Kindness
Big acts of kindness most certainly matter in building a strong relationship, but it is the small daily ones that so often set the tone for a marriage. One practice we began early on was at bedtime to put toothpaste on each other’s toothbrushes. It may sound simple—even silly—but we have done it for 41 years. Whoever reaches the sink first prepares both toothbrushes.
Even when there were seasons of disagreement, we never stopped this little habit. In fact, it was often during those times that this small act softened my heart and helped me hear God’s gentle nudge to forgive or to ask for forgiveness. It was a reminder that love often speaks through humble, ordinary gestures.
Honoring Each Other in Absence
Another practice that strengthened us was committing never to be alone with a person of the opposite sex. Once, while attending a prayer conference an hour away, my husband was asked for a ride home by a woman from our church who is a friend to us both. He explained to her about our long-standing agreement, admitting it felt awkward to break it. She laughed and said, “Since I am old enough to be your mother, I think that your wife will understand.” And of course, I did! He gave her a ride, but his willingness to guard our marriage in that way spoke volumes to me.
When looking back over 41 years, I am humbled by the many ways God has built up our marriage. By His grace, we hope to celebrate many more anniversaries together. I am forever grateful for my husband, a man of grace and humility, who has been a steady example of what it means to love his wife as Christ loves the church.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3
