In 1998 I went through a five-year separation from my husband and prayed fervently for reconciliation. However, we divorced after five years, and I felt like my life would never be the same. Within a couple of years, my former husband married again -- and it just devastated me. I had always hoped for reconciliation because I still had love for him, but that destroyed my dream of things ever being the same. He wanted us to remain friends, but I could not handle it. My heart was so broken; I just shut down. But I have continued all these years to lift him before the Lord daily, praying especially for his salvation.
Shortly after that, he and his new wife moved more than 1,200 miles away. Even though my kids were grown and lived nearby, I felt the responsibility was all mine to help them when needed. It was such a lonely feeling. When we were raising our family, he traveled so much that most of the time I was the parent “in-charge.” He just did not have time to share much of his life with us, but he was a good provider.
I asked God to give me the strength to communicate with him, but my heart just would not open up to keeping him in my life. When our daughter got married, I had to see him with his new wife. The pain was so great; it was all I could do to be cordial. Only by relying on God to uphold me that evening was I able to keep from falling apart. And after that to move forward with my life -- because old wounds had been reopened.
When our two young adult children would travel to see him, I did not want to hear anything about it and did not ask any questions. I just could not stand the thought of another woman being with my kids and my only grandchild. As time went on, my inability to gracefully handle the situation did not change much, but my heart did begin to soften just a little bit.
As the years passed, when my children would need help with something (which did not happen often), I would think about how it is always me who is still handling their needs since he was so far away. I was not even taking into account that God is the one who was taking care of me and enabling me to be there for them.
Last year one of my children was in a really bad situation. I focused on giving the best God-given advice I could, hoping that she would come up with a good solution. I was so devastated by the circumstances that before really thinking about it, I called my son to get my former husband’s phone number (I did not even have it). Off went a text to their father, asking if he could call me. Because of the number of years that had passed since we had spoken, I was not sure if he would respond and impatiently waited for his call.
After about four hours, I got a text that he was at the airport getting home from a trip and would call me about seven o’clock that evening. I then realized what a big step I had taken. For the first time in many years, we would have to
work together for the benefit of our child. My fear and disappointment in him began dissipating as I felt God’s presence ministering to me.
When he called, I began telling him about the situation and we brainstormed ways to help. Unbeknownst to me, he already had an inkling of what she was going through. Because of seeing a confrontation, I was able to fill him in on details.
We have both helped in as many ways as are feasible. Our daughter knows we have her back and are ready to help in any way she needs. Our deep desire is that the problems will dissipate. Though we cannot make decisions for her, she knows God’s love and our love are there to help her move forward. She also knows and is happy that, we, her parents, are staying in contact with each other. To any child who has experienced the pain of divorce, that is a big plus.
All these years that I have mourned over my loss, God has been working within me to soften my heart. Only He can take a tough situation and bring good from it. All praise to Him for never leaving or forsaking us, for being our very present help in time of every need.
… the Lord will be your everlasting light and your days of sorrow will end.
Isaiah 60:20b
