Through It All
May 30, 2021 | by The Fellowship
Gazing around my cozy home in Katy, I am in awe of God’s amazing faithfulness. The results of the prayers I prayed and the help from God I pleaded for are all being shown to me. The overwhelming feelings of peace and restoration are an answer to years of unending prayer.
We were what appeared to be the “perfect” family -- a nice house on the golf course, two beautiful, successful children, church attendance every Sunday and involvement in our Mississippi community. My life to an abusive, narcissistic husband was far from perfect though.
I had attended so much counseling (both with my husband and alone) as well as so many sessions with our pastors. On top of that, I read so many books on how to be a better wife and person, but my marriage continued to get worse and worse. With the knowledge that if I left, he would make our children’s lives miserable, I stayed for many, many years while continually praying to the Lord for answers. I felt so much guilt and shame as a “good” Christian and feared being judged for needing a divorce from the constant emotional and verbal abuse of my husband.
As our children married (our son to his Houston, Texas, bride and our daughter to her Air Force pilot), I knew that our kids were safe and that he could not use them to hurt me anymore. This may sound crazy, but I believe that God began to help show me the path to a peaceful divorce from my husband of 34 years.
I am an Operating Room nurse. During surgery one day, the patient mentioned that he was a retired divorce judge. In that eye-opening moment, I felt a strong nudge to seek his advice. As it turned out, he lived in my neighborhood and I was able to consult with him. He recommended a lawyer and I made an appointment.
I was terrified of this meeting, but upon entering his office, there on the table was a stone plaque that read: For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. An overwhelming feeling of peace came over me. As I spoke with the lawyer, he told me of coveting my prayers through this process. This was not what I expected from a divorce lawyer, but I knew that this was where I needed to be.
My husband was shocked that I would ever have the courage or strength to file for divorce. He very openly berated me and told hurtful lies to anyone who would listen. Among them were many stories of how he did everything possible to “save our marriage” -- even though the man had not acknowledged our anniversary or my birthday for more than ten years.
I chose to remain quiet and refrain from arguing with him while continuing to pray that the truth would be shown. A few months into the divorce process, he acquired a girlfriend and this led him to agree to the divorce. He has pretty much turned his back on our children and past friends, instead creating a new life since the divorce. I am very sad for him, and God is slowly leading me through the steps to forgive him.
As I look out at my garden of flowers this morning in Katy, I feel such gratitude to God for answering my prayers for peace and joy. God led me to move near my son and his family. As I attend my two-year-old granddaughter’s dance class, as I shop with my daughter-in-law, as I go to a job I love, as I attend The Fellowship and my LIFE Group, as I watch The Chosen -- I am in awe of God’s faithfulness and love! So often my feelings have been that I am not good enough and have let God down because of my past! But our God is an awesome God, and He loves me and comforts me and leads me through it all! For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind -- and for that I am forever grateful!
A Thankful Heart
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted …
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair…
Isaiah 61: 1, 3