A Dream Becomes Reality
Aug 7, 2022 | by The Fellowship
For as long as I can remember, my biggest dream has been to be a mom. The need to have children and be a mother was very deeply rooted in my soul. However, there was something hanging over my life that threatened that dream!
I have PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is an endocrine-metabolic disorder. With the unstable hormones PCOS causes, some very unwanted symptoms occur. They include stubborn weight gain, insulin resistance, male hair growth patterns, painful ovarian cysts, and irregular or absent periods. For me, the worst of these was the absent periods. I feared for a long time that because of this, it would be difficult to become pregnant.
That fear turned to dread in 2015 when I met my husband in college. I knew he would be my husband before we even started dating, so I made sure that he knew early on that it might be very difficult or even impossible to have kids on our own. He was very supportive and open to adoption if it turned out we could not conceive. He loved me for me!
Fast forward to January 2020, when we decided to officially start trying to conceive. We began fervently praying for God to gift us with a child. In an effort to get my cycles back as natural as possible, I gave up gluten and dairy for more than a year, worked out a specific routine that was supposed to be more beneficial for PCOS, and took many different medications and herbs. The results were non-existent with absolutely no change in my cycles!
After a year and a half with no results, we finally decided to turn to modern medicine and went to a fertility clinic. The journey at the clinic was intensive and extremely expensive. But in our minds, this was our last resort. We endured two failed cycles with medications and shots before the money ran out. Quite simply, we did not have the tools to keep going with the treatments.
I remember after our second failed cycle sitting in the bathtub with the shower pouring over my face while I sobbed: “God, what are we supposed to do now?”
I was physically exhausted from the constant manipulation of my hormones, the injections, and the frequent, uncomfortable examinations in the doctor's office. I was mentally exhausted from seeing friends from college starting to get pregnant with no issue, one after the other. Mother’s Day came and went with the painful reminder of the dream that was not yet a reality. There was a hole in my heart that was gaping and raw.
Then I remembered the dreams that God had sent me throughout this whole process, the same dream over and over, of a little baby. Our baby. I realized in that moment that this was not just my brain showing me what it wanted -- but a promise. That night I told my husband that we should stop trying and put it all in God’s hands! Even if it took ten years to get pregnant, it would be the perfect timing -- because it would be His timing.
At this point, we had been attending The Fellowship for about six months. We had just joined a LIFE Group, which was a big step for us. Our group and many others in the church began to pray for us and our future. This was the first church home that we had found since being married, and we began to grow in ways never expected. We gave our desires and future to God and trusted that whatever happened was going to be for His glory.
Four months later, one day in mid-October while at work, out of the blue I started to feel nauseous. Once at home, I took a pregnancy test -- which was not at all unusual for me. I had taken hundreds of pregnancy tests at this point in our fertility journey. Funny thing is I did not even look at the test after taking it. I sat it down and continued doing other things. Out of the hundreds I had taken at this point, not one had been positive … so why would this one be different?
Well, it was … and it was a sight that I never thought to see - a dark second line! I was pregnant! My heart stopped as I stared at it for a good long while. I took several more tests just to make sure, of course! When I told my husband, he had to take a knee because of being so shocked.
Our precious daughter was born on May 29, 2022. She is perfect. She is ours. She is a promise fulfilled by our most gracious God in answer to prayers from the deepest longing of our hearts.
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord...”
1 Samuel 1:27-28